In return for your money, you’ll get some kind of bag and some quantity of crap. We promise nothing more than that. You should expect even less.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS:

01. Thou shalt not expect thy crap to be especially nice. It’s our birthday, remember. You should be giving us stuff.
02. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours. We don’t call this crap crap for no reason.
03. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap. Then take another, and another. If you’re lucky, it’ll be sold out by then.
04. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on our server. We don’t take kindly to bullies who pick on defenseless machines.