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26 April 2015 @ 01:55 pm
Trust in one's self  
People talk a lot about self-esteem, but, after watching a parkour video, I realized that I am also missing self-trust.

Watching them do things that if they make one mistake could lead to there death makes me realize that I've never been able to trust my mind and body to not make frequent stupid mistakes. The two times in my life that I got seriously hurt was me thinking "Oh come on, you're just being a chicken."

Even now with taekwondo, I can't do anything all out, not because I don't know how to use my torso to throw power into my limbs, but because I'm afraid my limbs can't take it.

We were doing partner stretches the other day and my partner pulled just a little to hard and something in my leg went twang. I'm trying to train up to doing a pull up, but what ever is wrong with my shoulder such that I can do arm swings also seems to hate pull ups.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my childhood and if there were a way I could have been a stronger, more active child. Was it social pressures that made me assume someone of my weight couldn't be good at sports (which in hindsight is stupid, I really should have gotten into weightlifting or something.) Or was it more that I can't trust my body and that my body takes a long time to build muscle and heal.

I think it is true that, even though I am extremely thankful that I am able bodied, my body has never been my friend.
mathhobbitmathhobbit on April 26th, 2015 07:16 pm (UTC)
This really resonates with me.

I recall Fredrickegerman explaining to me that running down a slippery, steep hill is much faster than slowly creeping down switchbacks. On the flip side, Chenoameg doesn't hop from rock to rock the way I do when we hike in the Fells.

I don't know to what extent balance and confidence can be trained, or how weight affects that ability, but if you like I can ask about the parkour classes in the park outside my house. I'd love to have you come visit over the summer!